You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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