if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
