What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
