I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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