I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
