Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
