Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
