Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
