Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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