he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
