I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
