Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
