Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

You're so nebulous sometimes

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(423): View more from Tennessee

it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.

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(310): View more from California

Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.

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(512): View more from Texas

Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on

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(605): View more from South Dakota

He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.

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