i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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