At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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