Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize