When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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