whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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