So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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