i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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