I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
