you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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