i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
