Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
