My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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