Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
