Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
