He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Shame - the story of my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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