my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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