I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dating After Heartbreak
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?