I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
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i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.