Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!