The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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