meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
