i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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