I cockslap morals
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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