we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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