You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
