she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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