just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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