I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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