Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
