So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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