His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is classic penis vs brain.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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