in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
