she was so not down for the gang bang
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
