and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm at about main and main street
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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