Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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