I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had sex on a roof
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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