Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
