oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
