U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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