Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
