just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
