They should really pass out barf bags in church
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
