mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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