I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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