I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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