I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
