Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
