Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
