Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
