i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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