I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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