you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
