giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
