Joe is yelling at the trees again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
