Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
