1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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