fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
