Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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