my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm really busy with my period
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