were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
