Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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