If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
